I just pynch a tree in the face
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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