Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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