he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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