He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
