My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
