dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
