God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
