Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
