areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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