New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
