did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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