hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
