What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
