did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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