Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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