Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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