come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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