I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
