I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
