And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
