Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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