Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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