I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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