She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
