I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
