Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
