mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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