If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
