yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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