sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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