I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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