The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
