The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
