So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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