oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
