I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
