So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
