i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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