she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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