this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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