i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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