I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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