Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
