i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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