Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
