She said her name was "party"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
