I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
