OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
