Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
