Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I want is dick and wine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
