so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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