i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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