At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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