So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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